Chesterfield/Colonial Heights
Community Corrections Services

Frequenty Asked Questions about Domestic Violence

1. What is domestic violence?

Domestic Violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used by one individual intended to exert power and control over another individual in the context of an intimate relationship. The abuse may include physical, emotional or sexual abuse, threats, intimidation, isolation or using the children.

2. How do I help?

If you think someone you know is being abused. How can you help?

3. What is abuse? - A Warning List:

Many partners don’t think of themselves as “abused”.  They may not think of themselves as “battered.”  Many victims don’t see the things their partners do to them as abusive and they don’t see them as a pattern. Abuse is about control. It is one person scaring another person into doing what they want them to do. It is not just one hit. It is a pattern. Abuse can be physical, emotional, sexual, and/or economic. It can also be criminal.  It is usually a whole series of behaviors used to get and keep control.
Here is a list of questions for you to ask yourself. You don’t need to answer “yes” to all of them to have been abused:

4. Who are the Abusers?

Just like victims, there are not “typical” abusers. Anyone can be an abuser. On the surface, abusers may appear to be good providers, loving partners and law-abiding citizens, but their abusive behavior toward their victims can lead to severe injury and even to murder. Although both men and women can be abusers, approximately 95% of abusers are men.

Abuse is often a learned behavior. The tendency to use abuse as a control tactic is often reinforced by men’s socialization and peer pressure to be ‘macho’ and in control. The person who uses any form of violence to control or manipulate a partner often has low self-esteem, may refuse to accept responsibility for the violence, and may believe the violence is justified. Often the abuser will attempt to rationalize or excuse the behavior or blame the victim for causing it.  There is no excuse for violent and abusive behavior. Violence is against the law and is always a choice.

5. Why does a battered woman stay?

People often wonder, "Why, if he's abusing her, doesn't she just leave?" There are many compelling reasons why a woman may stay in an abusive relationship.

• She may be financially dependent on him (could not pay rent somewhere alone).
• She may have children who are also financially and emotionally dependent upon him.
• She may have nowhere else to go.
• She may be paralyzed with fear due to threats. Example: "If you try to leave, I'll kill you."
• She knows leaving is often a very dangerous decision
• She has experienced victim blaming' - many people and agencies in her community trivialize or subtlety blame her for the abuse
• She hopes things will change

6. How to get help?

If you are being abused: You are not alone! You are not to blame! You do not deserve to be abused!
Help is available: 
Chesterfield YWCA Hotline 796-3066
Richmond Hotline 643-0888

Virginia’s Family Violence & Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-838-8238

or contact the Domestic Violence Resource Center  at 768-4783 and ask to speak to the county victim advocate. We can also connect you with other county domestic violence related services.